12dpo...

and what a beautiful sight to wake up to!!!

another view...

11dpo....

and....

7dpo...

And again, Im pretty sure its over. My lower back is killing me and Im getting that tingly feeling that assures me that its over again this cycle. I HATE THIS. I would be shocked if i was to get a bfp this month. All the signs, I thought for sure this would be it. Truly. And here I am again :(

Amethyst

Deena has been saying for months and months that she sees purple when she sees Victoria. Well I like pink better! lol She has also been saying the numbers 2 and 10 and 2 and 5. Which makes me think February 5, 2010. And I just realized YESTERDAY that the birthstone for February is amethyst. She has also seen that my Victoria is in connection some how to Jen having Maddy. We thought I would be finding out gender when Jen was having Maddy. Maybe, just maybe it was the conception of Victoria that was the connection.

I also Oed on Victoria day. What are the odds of that. There are SO many signs this month. SO many. Oh also I would be finding out gender the middle of Sept sometime. And September 16 is significant to Deena. Could be the day I find out she is a girl??

Praying to God, to the universe, praying praying praying...

Dream

I drempt of Miss Victoria again last night. This time I was actually giving birth to her. I remember pulling her out, covered in vernix. Olivia was with me. I was so nervous to deliver her. I was scared she was going to be a boy. When I pulled her out I was PURE bliss. I said to Olivia, look, its your baby sister. She leaned over and kissed her. I was shocked she would kiss her when she was not cleaned up. Seeing how totally in love she was with her sister makes me ache for the day that it really happens.

Cycle #5...

I honestly didn't think I would ever be here. I had some stupid thought in my head that I would be pregnant right away. Three months tops. Silly, silly girl I was.

We are now onto cycle #5 of trying to conceive our baby girl, Victoria Fayth. My girl. She is coming, I feel her. She is already so much a part of our family. Of who I am, and who I will be.

When I think that I will be able to be the mother of a newborn again, it makes me SO happy, and SO scared all at the same time. Wow, I never thought I would be able to do this again. It truly feels surreal.

We will be giving it our all this cycle. I am going to enjoy my husband. US. I am going to pray like mad and leave it in the hands of God. I believe I will receive my hearts desire. I believe that I AM GOOD ENOUGH. I am meant to have my dreams come true. To be happy.

I BELIEVE. I have FAITH.