Well....

I was a bad bad blogger!!

Sloan Whylder Butler arrived on January 19, 2010 at 8:53 pm. He weighed 7lbs 1oz and was 19 1/4 inches long. We had our home birth and it was amazing. I will post that in another post by itself.

Here he is :)

Our midwife appointment!

We went and met the midwives. Totally loved them, and will def be going with them. And most likely be a home birth too. Craig was even impressed with them and how things were done.

Here is a little snippet of our baby's heartbeat!

Our first appointment!

We finally had our first appointment! Things went well. My urine was fine, my bp was a bit low, but he said it was nothing to worry about. I have gained 8lbs since I got pregnant. I almost fell off of the scale. I am so scared of gaining too much. Anyway...I will be better next month ;) I had my pap, and breast exam. He told me the mass that I was feeling in my breast was just breast tissue and nothing to worry about. He said they would keep an eye on it though.

We got to hear the baby's heartbeat! He tried for a few minutes on the left side, but couldnt get it. Said the placenta is anterier. He finally found her over on the right side. It was at 150bpm.

I also have my u/s booked for September 9 at 11am. 1 month, 2 weeks, 6 days! hehe...but who's counting?!

Its been a long time baby...

Wow, I hadnt realised how long it had been since I had posted.

Things with me and baby have been good. There has been a few days that I have felt a little queezy, but other than that, I have been doing awesome.

The last couple of days my headaches have been back though, so that is NO FUN.

Also my face has been breaking out like you would not believe. Ah...the joys :)

I am now 10 weeks 3 days pregnant and counting down the days until the second trimester. I have a dr appointment on Friday and praying that we get to hear the heartbeat.

oh the drama...

Well I have a whole saga on me! Lets see if I can give the shortened version....A few days before I got my bfp I was getting pains in my shoulder and down my chest a bit. I had read on the Internet(after I got my bfp), that it could be a sign of a tubal pregnancy. SO of course I freak out.This Wednesday I go to the ER with my concern. They did an u/s and baby(well just the sac at that point), was in my uterus nice and snug where she belonged. SO..phewww...all is OK with baby BUT...they decide(by my blood numbers), that I may have a blood clot in my left lung and that is what is causing me the pain. They can not run all the tests they would normally run because I am pregnant and they would cause harm to the baby. So going based on my blood counts, this is the prognosis they have come up with.Even though they can not say for sure that is what it is, they are treating me like it is a blood clot. Better safe than sorry. Because if they don't treat me, and it is a clot...well...it could kill me.So Wednesday and yesterday I got shots of lovenox, which is a anti coagulant. It will thin my blood and break up the clot. I questioned him about the drug and if it is harmful to baby and he told me that a lot of pregnant women have to have it when they are pg(for other reasons), and it is perfectly safe. I also questioned my neighbor who is a pharmacist and he researched it for me and said it is safe.I go back again today, and they will do my blood work again and see what my numbers are doing. If they decide that I need to continue treatment, I am pretty sure this will be something that I have to do every day my entire pregnancy. I think I cried for 2 days straight because of all of this. It just really scares me.Oh and the Dr said the cause of it...well it happens in pregnancy sometimes...1%...I think I need to go buy a lotto ticket!

Tired and loving it!

I think I am still in shock! I am absolutely thrilled! I am so blessed and lucky!

I of course have taken more tests. Well actually only one. So 4 in total. Thats not bad! So I have to share pictures of them all of course :)

So the one alone is 13dpo. And the three of them are 11, 12, and 13dpo :)

12dpo...

and what a beautiful sight to wake up to!!!

another view...

11dpo....

and....

7dpo...

And again, Im pretty sure its over. My lower back is killing me and Im getting that tingly feeling that assures me that its over again this cycle. I HATE THIS. I would be shocked if i was to get a bfp this month. All the signs, I thought for sure this would be it. Truly. And here I am again :(

Amethyst

Deena has been saying for months and months that she sees purple when she sees Victoria. Well I like pink better! lol She has also been saying the numbers 2 and 10 and 2 and 5. Which makes me think February 5, 2010. And I just realized YESTERDAY that the birthstone for February is amethyst. She has also seen that my Victoria is in connection some how to Jen having Maddy. We thought I would be finding out gender when Jen was having Maddy. Maybe, just maybe it was the conception of Victoria that was the connection.

I also Oed on Victoria day. What are the odds of that. There are SO many signs this month. SO many. Oh also I would be finding out gender the middle of Sept sometime. And September 16 is significant to Deena. Could be the day I find out she is a girl??

Praying to God, to the universe, praying praying praying...

Dream

I drempt of Miss Victoria again last night. This time I was actually giving birth to her. I remember pulling her out, covered in vernix. Olivia was with me. I was so nervous to deliver her. I was scared she was going to be a boy. When I pulled her out I was PURE bliss. I said to Olivia, look, its your baby sister. She leaned over and kissed her. I was shocked she would kiss her when she was not cleaned up. Seeing how totally in love she was with her sister makes me ache for the day that it really happens.

Cycle #5...

I honestly didn't think I would ever be here. I had some stupid thought in my head that I would be pregnant right away. Three months tops. Silly, silly girl I was.

We are now onto cycle #5 of trying to conceive our baby girl, Victoria Fayth. My girl. She is coming, I feel her. She is already so much a part of our family. Of who I am, and who I will be.

When I think that I will be able to be the mother of a newborn again, it makes me SO happy, and SO scared all at the same time. Wow, I never thought I would be able to do this again. It truly feels surreal.

We will be giving it our all this cycle. I am going to enjoy my husband. US. I am going to pray like mad and leave it in the hands of God. I believe I will receive my hearts desire. I believe that I AM GOOD ENOUGH. I am meant to have my dreams come true. To be happy.

I BELIEVE. I have FAITH.

7dpo...cycle #4...

Oh how times flies when you are obsessing. We are three quarters threw our 4th cycle of ttc. I am 7DPO and pretty sure this cycle was a flop too. Im trying to stay positive, but I also follow my gutt feeling. And my gutt tells me...no...

Craig went to see the Dr last week about getting a SA done. They said they would do it, but we havent heard anything from anyone. Right now everything is such a waiting game. I seriously dont know how much more I can take before I lose my mind.

I often wonder if we should even continue to ttc. If we should just leave life as it is. I am considering giving up ttc for a while if I am not pg this cycle...

No rain...no rainbow...

It's not official, but another cycle is over. Time to move on, make plans for this new cycle. Positive, persistant, and I will get my rainbow.

I came across this saying on google this morning as I was looking for pictures of a rainbow. "No rain, no rainbow". I have been told that a rainbow is God's promise. And I believe God keeps his promises. Just on his time, not ours.

"No rain, no rainbow". I am taking it into my own hands and perceiving it my way. I guess to me it means, to get your rainbow, you have to endure the rain. To get my baby girl, I have to fight threw all the unwanted feelings of depression, defeat and frustration.

I will get my rainbow...I will have my victory...my Victoria...

12dpo....

and no AF. If my temp hadn't dropped this am I would definitely think something was up. I guess now we wait and see. If nothing by this afternoon I will send hubby out to buy me another pg test(because I have used up my stash!!).

Come on BFP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I dont think you can ever prepair yourself for the trials and frustrations of trying to conceive a child.

Some of us are lucky enough to conceive quickly with no complications, and some of us, well...not so much.

We are coming to the end of our third cycle of trying to conceive our sixth child. I am fairly certain that this cycle was not successful. And yes, even though 3 cycles is not a lot, it is still just as heartbreaking every time that my period shows.

Feel like a failure. Feel like my husbands surgery was a failure. Feel like maybe we just aren't meant to have another child. I know, I know, a little emotional. When you want something SO badly, and you truly have no control over the situation, it makes your mind and heart do funny things.

If I am not pregnant this cycle, I might as well count out next cycle too. I was stupid and booked a trip away right around the same time I will be ovulating. *sigh*

I am praying to God, and whoever else will listen that I am already pregnant. That I am carrying a child within me. Please...

8dpo in the afternoon...

because I am obsessive like that ;)

Dream a little dream of me...

I drempt of my girl last night. I drempt I had just given birth. She is beautiful. I cant wait for that dream to become reality. Because I know it will.

She had light blonde hair, big beautiful eyes, and a big dimple in her right cheek.

Someone asked me what her name was. I remember going threw names in my head and saying her name is Victoria. YES, her name IS Victoria.

My head...my heart...

Wow, what two months of ttc with swaying(Oh and post VR) can do to a person. I just dont know what to do. I really think the tbm/lime is killing what little sperm we may have. But I am scared to death to try naturally.

Oh I dont know what to do. I just wish I would know for sure that my girl was coming to me. I feel her, I want her, I already love her.

Do I try and sway and control, or do I just have faith and believe that she will be mine no matter what.

Jeremiah 1:5

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, And before you were born I consecrated you; I have appointed you a prophet to the nations."